Life thoughts

I realize that because I am playing a game of catch up that a lot of my posts will be out of order but what's the saying better late than never? I wanted to take a pause of catching up to just write how I am feeling in this moment. Our lives have been crazy hectic and stressful the last few months and we have finally sorted out our game plan for the next little while so I have had some time to think about where my life is right now. I cannot believe how truly blessed I am. Our marriage is in the best place it has probably ever been. It is not perfect and we have our moments but I would say 95% of the time we really enjoy being together and have come so close and are such great friends and partners. I mostly wanted to write this down because this is not always the case and we might go through more rough patches but I am so grateful for Matthew and his love and concern for our family. He really is my favorite person in the world and I cannot imagine my life without him. He is so incredibly funny and has me laughing constantly. He is also so willing to help with the kids and house work and really is just the best! He works so very hard to provide for us and to help us feel loved and supported by him. We are due with our fourth child in a few months and although I feel a little nervous about have four kids, I am so excited to hold and love our sweet little girl. Claire is such an amazing little girl. Now that the stress of school has been taken from me I have really had more time to just connect with her. She definitely knows how to turn up the sass and push all my buttons but she really has such a good, kind, loving heart. Matt summed her up in one word, vivacious: attractively lively and animated, spirited, bubbly, buoyant, sparkling, jolly, sunny, irrepressible, zestful, ect. Doesn't that just describe her so well? She  is obviously many more wonderful things but I like this word for her. She really is growing up so fast and it just breaks my heart that she isn't my small baby anymore but getting to see her grow and become her own person is such a joy! Tyler is just the most perfect little boy, he is so sensitive and caring. He has the worlds best laugh and feels all his emotions very deeply. Careful not to cross him because he is learning to be very feisty but he is so terribly loyal. Did I mention he is the sweetest and has me wrapped around his finger. My boy. He is summed up in the word tenderhearted: having a gentle, kind or sentimental nature. He again could be described in many more words but I hope he never loses this part of himself. Whitney, oh Whitney. My wild and wonderful child. What a totally different package you are. I love how crazy different all of the kids have come to be. My little girl has the most energy that could be put into one child. She is going 100 mph from sun up to sun down. She is independent and knows just what she wants! She is the best snuggler and if she decides to sit still for a moment the cuddles are the best! She is definitely a momma's girl and I love feeling so terribly needed. She is such a ham and has the best smiles and laugh. I can't wait till she starts talking so I can get to know her better! Love her so so dearly!
I LOVE being a mom, I want to shout it from the top of the mountains! This is truly the best time of my life and I will miss this with every fiber of my being. I hope to never forget the feeling of my babies snuggling up close and breathing a heavy sigh of relief to be in my arms. To always remember the feeling of being a super hero, scooping them up after a fall and giving them the comfort and kisses that ease their pain. To see the pride in their eyes when they learn to do a task all by themselves and to feel a twinge of sadness wondering if I'll ever need to do the button, feed the cereal, wash the hair out again. To lay next to them as they drift to sleep, watching them slowly blink into dream land, and just continuing to sit and stare at the wonder of these amazing people I get to spend my short time on earth with. Boy my heart feels as though it could literally burst from being so full and happy. I could write for hours about my love for motherhood and never fit it all in because it is so indescribable and so so amazing. It is hard, it is so hard and at times I fail miserably and fear to try again but then I do and these babies love me, forgive me and need me and it makes every hard moment so worth it.  Why did God choose me to be a mother? Why did he send me these certain special spirits? I would hope it is because he knew that I would love them and cherish these moment so dearly. I am SO blessed.